Game Over Man, Game Over...

Now I don't really get computer games; that's mainly because I'm rubbish at them. I had a sega Mastersystem in my youth; but I could never complete Sonic The Hedgehog. I knew a few moves on Street Fighter 2 [NES] but always got beat. I did once complete Double Dragon on my Amstrad CPC6128... And as you'll see below I enjoyed the BBC's K9 game mainly because its designed to be easy enough for anyone to play!

My Cousin 'gets' computer games and is a massive advocate of them in grown-up publications like The Economist. He writes nice things about them all the time www.tomstandage.com

Now I have no massive objection to gaming but when you hear stories [thanx SH] like the one below you've got to think twice:

I heard a story a while ago about a man killing his friend because of an online game. The story goes that a man was obsessed with some computer game that is played online against worldwide apponants. He bacame icredibly good at the game and had got some special all powerful sword/weapon that was highly sort after. In the real world the man took a holiday abroad. He decided to lend this 'sword' to his friend so they could play with it in his absence. While he was away his friend sold the 'sword' for a vaste sum. When the man returned from holiday to discover the sword had been sold he went round to his friend's house and killed him.

And if you don't believe its true click here.

The Devil's In The Detail

Hmmm...

Maybe its coz I'm a Yorkshireman [Londoner]

According to recent surveys and polls, blogging remains a growth industry. The Pew Internet and American Life Project claims some 39 per cent of people in the US now read blogs: some 57 million in real numbers. And US bloggers themselves number roughly 12 million.

MSN's survey shows that in the UK, the phenomenon is even more widespread, with 27 per cent of people writing a blog. In Yorkshire, the figure rises to 35 per cent.

By far the greatest motivation behind blogging is simply to keep a personal diary and to share thoughts and experiences. This was the prime motivation behind 59 per cent of the 750 people polled on the subject in the UK. In the US that figure is 76 per cent.

K9 & Co.

There is an awesome new game on the Doctor Who site where you get to be K9 and shoot things:

www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho

With the annoucement of the latest Dr Who spin-off 'Torchwood' I thought it worth mentioning the original Dr Who spin-off. If you haven't seen it [and I bet none of you have!? I tragically have and even used to own a pirate VHS copy in my youth which I sold in my 20's for silly money] you have to check out the hilarious title sequence its one of the unintentionally funniest pieces of TV ever:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/classic/titles/K9andco.shtml

Apparently they maybe having another shot at the doomed 80's spin off, with another pilot called 'Sarah-Jane' and a 'K9' cartoon series... hmm if they do I hope they keep the theme tune and people randomly sitting on dry-stone-walls!

It's all in the wrist

hmmm... any volunteers for the 2nd candidate?

Channel 4 has confirmed another show in its "Wank Week" season - a documentary about compulsive masturbators.

Independent producer Spun Gold has been commissioned to make the one-hour programme following two men trying to kick their habit.

The as-yet unnamed show is the second programme in the themed week to be unveiled, following MediaGuardian.co.uk's revelation last week that Channel 4 is to broadcast a documentary about a mass masturbation for charity, given the working title "Wank-a-thon".

One of the participants in the new show - who says he masturbates 20 times a day [Bet he's good at making omlettes!] - has already been cast, but the producer is seeking a second male for the programme.

The compulsive masturbators will be filmed hearing about different ways to cut down, focusing particularly on methods used in the US.

Lets Kill Some Terrorists...

Ever wish you were George Bush and could kill a load of 'terrorists'?

Well now you can:

bush-shoot-out

Still Struggling to Find Sex...?

If sex is still proving hard to find [see previous post]. You could always join Channel 4's 'Wank-a-thon' and raise money for charity masturbating in public...

later this year Channel 4 are going to have a 'wank week' which will include a documentary about said 'wank-a-thon' and two other programmes. Apparently previous 'wank-a-thons' in the USA have been very successful. The record apparently is 8 and a half hours.

According to today's Media Guardian

Sex is hard to find...

The letters S-E-X are formed by a swirling cloud of dust in The Lion King.



About half way through the movie Simba, Pumbaa, and Timon are lying on their backs, looking up at the stars. Simba gets up, walks over to the edge of a cliff, and flops to the ground, throwing up a cloud of dust. Eddies of dust form and dissipate in the roiling cloud, and at one point the various curves and angles in these eddies appear to form the lettersS-E-X. Apparently.

Stacking two of Pepsi's special 1990 "Cool Cans" spelled out the word "S-E-X."

For a limited time during the summer of 1990 (Memorial Day through the Fourth of July), Pepsi distributed its flagship soft drink in four specially-designed "Cool Cans" as part of a promotional campaign. The four designs included confetti, neon, sunglasses, and surfer motifs:

It wasn't long before someone came up with a new version of the Pepsi Challenge: find the secret word S-E-X by stacking one neon Pepsi can on top of another. Well, sort of ... if you twisted the top can to the right, the bottom one to the left, and kind of squinted, you could make out a word that looked like 'S-E-X,' with the loop of the first 'P' forming half an 'S', the 'E' missing its bottom half, and the second 'P' crossed by a neon bar that makes it look like an 'X.' Of course, it really helped if you knew what you were supposed to be looking for in advance:

Slot Machine

Carlsberg don't do fruit machines, but if they did...

They'd probably be the best fruit machines in the world.

I Pity The Fool...

Sorry being very unoriginal today so apologies to anyone who has already seen this:

"It’s amazing that more than a decade after Mr T was properly cool, he has reached even greater heights as an icon of ironic cool. He’s also not afraid of making fun of himself, as evidenced from this clip from The Daily Show. And any conversation about the T would be incomplete without his educational 80s rap about respecting your mum - pure genius."

You Got Questions...

...Ninja got answers! And the most accurate review of Pirate Of The Caribbean 2 yet!

This is awesome:

www.askaninja.com

Chav joke

What do you call a CHAV in a cupboard?

Innit.

Media Habits

The BBC's internal newspaper asked me some questions about my media habits for a weekly slot they have. It was published today but they cut it down a lot. Here's what I said in full...

What are you watching/listening to?

'The West Wing' is building to its final climax the ending seems a bit of a fore gone conclusion but its still the best drama on TV [More4]. And when its done there will be a new series of the brilliant 'Huff' on FX. Drop Dead Gorgeous [BBC3] and the new series of Sugar Rush [Channel 4/E4] also seem promising.

Other than drama 'This Week' on Thursday night BBC 1 is the only thing I'll never miss.

The only radio I listen to is Phil Jupitus on BBC6 MUSIC when I wake up.

What are you reading?

'Playback' by Raymond Chandler; Chandler wrote the greatest prose of the 20th century if not ever. Reading Chandler is like wrapping your self in a warm comfort blanket of wise cracks, whiskey and fast women. Not his finest book but that's a bit like saying Macbeth isn't Shakespeare's finest play; its all relative. Next on the reading list are: Testament by David Morrell and The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon. But its all just killing time until Toby Litt publishes another masterpiece.

Must-have tracks for your mp3 player

Strangers When We Meet - David Bowie
Come Undone - Duran Duran
Remedy - The Black Crows
Do You Remember The First Time- Pulp
Hey Bulldog - The Beatles

Get Off - Prince

Cars and Girls - Prefab Sprout

What would you put in your Room 101?

ITV1 - nough said!

Favourite websites

www.rememberthisdayforever.com Amusing daily anecdotes, pictures, music and video

www.empireonline.co.uk all the movie gossip, news and reviews you can handle

www.davidbowie.com The Greatest Song Writer Ever

oh and www.tridenttheatre.co.uk obviously the world's finest theatre company... ahem.

Best blog

After rememberthisdayforever.com [which really is more than a blog] it has to be: jaspermilvain.blogspot.com/ 'Some Men Are Brothers' is high brow brilliance of the finest literary order.

Favourite gadget

Waiting for Sony Ericsson to release the new P990 mobile phone. This should truly be called a personal computer. Forget desktop, palmtop, ipod, mobile phone this is the most comprehensive gadget yet...

What was the last DVD you rented/the last film you saw at the cinema/the last play you watched in the theatre/or the last gig you went to? (it can be just one or any combination of these)

Last film I saw at the pictures was 'Hard Candy'. Marvellously dark, tense and stunning performances. But what surprised me the most was that looking round the audience it appeared to be a date movie... I mean seriously who goes on a date to see a movie about child molesting and torture?!

Before that was 'United 93'. A superb film brilliantly capturing that terrible day with extraordinary realism. Bit of a downbeat ending though, especially when you consider they saved the White House.

Last gig I went to was Marlowe [www.marlowe.org.uk] he's one man, a guitar and moody guttural vocal stylings; sublime.

Also recently saw 'Malone' they are a 7 piece of rocky, bluesy, funky brilliance you can check them out at www.maloneband.com .

And Dave Matthews and Jesse James [Separately I hasten to add, if it had been together that would have made for a very interesting gig indeed!] not that long ago at the Birmingham Academy.

These are new additions/alternates:

What's the last thing you bought online?

Prince - Lovesexy on CD and DVDs: An American Werewolf in London Two-disc Special Edition, Dune Two-disc Special Edition, Tadpole, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, for myself. And for my Dad for Father's Day: A Chorus Line on DVD and the book 'Right as Rain' by George P. Pelecanos.

Where were you the last time you felt like walking out of something and what was it?

I walked out of Failure To Launch at the pictures about 3 months ago its was truly truly awful. I don't really know why I walked in in the first place. I blame Jonathan Ross!

Clive 'Nuclearman' Mantle

Sorry I had to show you all a few photos its awesome:

Is It A Bird Is It A Plane...

... no its Superman 5 or 2.5 or nearly 3 or something...


Thought I'd continue in the movie trivia vane I started yesterday with 'Wilhelm Scream'.

... So everybody probably knows about 'the curse of Superman' and how Margot (Lois Lane) Kidder ended up a nutcase sleeping rough on the streets of LA... and if you don't there is a Channel 4 Documentary this weekend to tell you.

But here's some stuff you may not know:

1. All Gene Hackman's scene's in Superman II (the best Superman movie) were actually filmed during the filming of Superman the movie.

2. The disaterous Superman IV: The Quest For Peace was originally over half an hour longer and that half hour inculded another supervillian 'Nuclearman 1' [opposed to Nuclearman 2 as seen in the released film]. This original villian was played by none other than Clive Mantle yes that's right BBC Casualty and Holby City's friendly doctor Mike Barrett!!! This extra footage was planned to be used in Superman 5 which was never made because IV was SOOOO rubbish.

3. There is a scene in Superman The Movie where the young Lois Lane sees Clark running past the train she is on. Lois' parents are played by the actors who played Lois [the 2nd actress to play her] and Superman in the first TV series.

4. Terence Stamp as Zod in Superman II never says the line "Kal-El son of Jor-El kneel before Zod!" which is a shame really coz I always thought he did, I also thought that was what Jay says in Mallrats just after he's hit Lafours on the head. But they both actually say "Come to me, son of Jor-El, kneel before Zod!" and Jay adds "Snootchie Bootchies" of course.

5. In the original 'Action Comics' stories Superman could not fly but he could jump buildings in a single bound.

6. Dean Cain who played Superman/Clark Kent in the TV show 'The New Adventures Of Lois and Clark' is afraid of flying!

7. The first actress to play Lois Lane on TV, Phyllis Coates, also played Superman's mum in the Dean Cain TV show. This was continued with Smallville where Annette O'Toole plays Clark's mum and she played Lana Lang in Superman III.

8. Dick Lester the director of Superman II and III owns a Smallville body warmer. I know this because I saw him wearing it on a tube once!

The Original Spam

Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, here it is the original emial that started the whole thing off! I wish I could remember when this was. The only reference in the text suggests it was 1978 but as email wasn't invented then... What I do know is I got into trouble at college for blocking up the servers...

* Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you
can't drink and drive?

* Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

* Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

* Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of
parachutes?

* Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited
there?

* Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

* Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

* How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

* If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on
the doors?

* If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

* If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the
pan?

* If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a
height, what would happen?

* If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you
turn on the headlights?

* You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the
package says, "Open somewhere else"?

* Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

* Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

* Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a
shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

* You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes,
why
can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

* Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn
down the volume on the radio?

* Did you know who in 1923 was:
1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

* These men should have been considered some of the world's most
successful men. At least they found the secret of making money.
Now more than 55 years later, do you know what has become of these men?

1. The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a
pauper.

2. The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, is insane.

3. The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released from
prison
to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.

5. The President of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself.

6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died of suicide.

* The same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf championship,
Gene Sarazan, won the U.S. Open and PGA Tournaments.
Today he is still playing golf and is solvent.

CONCLUSION: STOP WORRYING ABOUT BUSINESS AND START
PLAYING GOLF

* This letter originated in The Netherlands, has been passed around the
world at least 20 times, bringing good luck to everyone who passed it on.

Who Would Play You In The Movie Of Your Life?

So I wonder how many of you have played the game or maybe its just the sad sort of thing I do? Answers on a postcard please...

Anyway I always hoped for Jack Black or Oliver Platt. But apparently not....

http://www.spotlightcd.com/interactive/cv/1/M46947

LUING ANDREWS

Spotlight Actors 2006/2007

Page 76

Location: London Height: 6'1" (185cm) Weight: 15st. (95kg) Playing Age: 36 - 40 years Unions: Equity

Role Types: White Eye Colour: Green Hair Colour: Dark Brown Hair Length: Bald

Credits:

(spacer)

Television, Henry Swindell, Casualty, BBC, Darcia Martin

Skills:

Accents & Dialects: (* = native)	London*
Languages: (* = mother tongue)	English*
Performance:	Audio Books, Comedy, Voice Over
Sports: (* = highly skilled)	Boxing*, ScubaDiving*, Shooting*
Vehicle Licences:	Car, Motorbike
Other Skills:	Narration

Training:

L.A.M.D.A. (Studied At Actors Theatre School.)

RADA (Summer Pass)

Potentially and Realistically

Young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"'

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes. Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two hookers and a homo.

A vaguely political joke

Tony Blair was visiting a school and.........

......was asked by a teacher if he would like to lead the discussion on what constituted a "tragedy".

So the 'illustrious' [I can think of other words] leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy."

One little boy stood up and offered, "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Blair, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not." explained the PM. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Blair searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If an aircraft carrying you, Mr. Blair, was struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Blair. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident."

revisit all those classic 80's music videos:

http://www.freephotosandvideos.com/

Why Have A Guard Dog...

... when you could have a guard cat!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/5067912.stm

Sweets and Diet Coke

Here's a marketing coup that has exploded all over the internet. The
humble Mentos sweet has been found to have spectacular properties if
mixed with Diet Coke. Popping the sweet into a Diet Coke bottle
causes a reaction that results in a 20ft geyser shooting into the
air. Mentos has found about 800 videos of the soda fountains all over
the internet and estimates the free publicity to be worth 10m
dollars.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNgl6z5Z7k4&search=mento

Rugby vs Soccer

Here's a very apt and timely article! Though league is a rubbish game!

http://www.10comments.co.uk/0003_sport/0003_sport.html

Incidentally I have never and never plan to go to a soccer match. I good friend of mine was staying with me the other week and I was forced to watch the second half of the FA Cup final. I realised the last time I had watched soccer [and indeed still the last time I watched a whole game] was when Gazza cried which I believe was the semi finals of Italia '90 some 16 years ago!!

For anyone who doesn't know Gazza ia crying because the English have been rubbish at Soccer since the 60s. England are however the reigning world champions of Rugby!!

Factoids

Did you know:

That when Florence Nightingale started treating soldiers the hospital death rate actually went up! But she was good at maths as she invented the pie chart.

The character of Scooby Doo was originally called 'Too Much' but his name changed after a producer was listening to the scat noises Frank Sinatra makes at the end of 'Strangers in the Night'; "scooby dooby doo". Also Scooby's gang is 84% more likely to stumble upon a secret passage than to find it intentionally.

You learn something new everyday!

Ulitmate Battle?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmBmWNh55VY

I'd've backed the loser! Good job I'm not a betting man!

One way to Ski?!?

One way to Ski?!?

Wilhelm Scream

So here's a piece of movie trivia. Apparently there was a scream in a 50's movie that has been endlessly reused. As near as anyone can tell, it was originally recorded for the 1951 movie "Distant Drums," for the anguished cries of a man being bitten and dragged under by an alligator. However, it's named for an appearance two years later, in the 1953 movie "Charge at Feather River." In this case, a character by the name of Wilhelm is filling his pipe, and emits a bloodcurdling scream when he's shot by an Indian's arrow.Ben Burtt the sound designer apparently usees this scream in every movie he works on. And as he's worked on every Star Wars movie nerdy fan boy types have put together whole wbsites about it so that nerdy types like me can send it round the internet. [some geek actually put together a compilation of clips where it is used but I couldn't find a working link for that...]

If you care you can read more here and a list of the 121 films its been used in:
http://www.hollywoodlostandfound.net/wilhelm/index.html